
As we round out the end of Autism Awareness Month, I wanted to share my personal thoughts on autism awareness, and share how autism affects how I navigate different things in my life.
When I was in middle school, so around 2012-2015, I struggled to make friends. At the time, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, which has now been removed as a diagnosis and has been replaced with autism. I didn't know a lot about autism, and I knew I felt very lonely. I used the only strength I thought I had, which was my academic abilities, and tried to use that to make friends. I thought if I did group work for people, and gave away the answers I knew, that I would make friends. I didn't think I had any other social value, because as soon as I strayed away from being useful, I was rejected.
I can confidently tell you now, that this was one of the worst social strategies I had ever come up with. The only friends I made in middle school were people who already knew me and were friends with me before middle school. But, I had gotten valuable practice in disclosing my autism to explain my social deficits and create open communication. Now, I wouldn't follow up with all the ways people could use my strengths to exploit those deficits, but that was something I could only learn through practice. I tell this story, because navigating life with autism can be challenging. Even now, when I disclose having autism with friends or family, I don't always get the reactions I hope I will get. I want to list some things I experience with autism. As advocacy and awareness of autism grows, I want to create some transparency of how autism impacts my life. I hope this will give some insight into what autism can look like.
1. I need communication to be very direct to understand what is expected of me, even if it is outside of the social norm. One thing I really struggle with is taking things literally. I had someone tell me they would like some space and to only talk every few days. At first, I marked my calendar in three day intervals to message the person, because I thought I was respecting their ask. Only later did I learn this was code for no longer wanting to be friends. That example stands out to me, because once I realized what had happened, I really wish I could have had a direct conversation so I could have saved both of us the awkward interactions.
2. I can't outgrow autism, but I can learn how to navigate more social situations. I remember I had some therapists tell me that I had outgrown my autism because I was enjoyable to be around. I found this to be a harmful narrative because it framed autism as something negative. I have done a lot of work to become more socially aware, but I still have autism. I want people to be aware that autism can look so many different ways, and doesn't present with only negative traits.
3. I am very interested in your side of the conversation, even if I am not asking questions about it. I have noticed a different talking philosophy between me, and my non-autistic family members. I approach conversations with the motto: If you are interested in something and want to tell me, you will contribute just like I want to contribute. I have seen my family approach conversations with the motto: If you are interested in what I am doing, you will ask me questions. This is often very hard for me, because I don't inherently know what you have been up to, or what to ask about. But I do care and want to know.
4. I get frustrated with the extra time I have to put in to get accomodations in professional and academic settings. I have seen this narrative that accommodations are unfair, or provide too much of an advantage. At the college I went to for my two upper division years of undergraduate school, and where I have been accepted to for my masters degree, requesting accomodations can be a very long process. First, you must provide medical proof of a disability every year to the office that provides disability services. Once the disability office approves the request, then you must book at least one appointment with a counselor every semester to go over your requests for accommodations. This appointment will cover things like grades, accommodations that must be legally provided, accommodations that are considered requests because professors can legally not provide them, and sources to learn how to use some of the tools you might be given. After this appointment, it is then your responsibility to do research on how to use any tools provided, and log in to request accommodations per class per semester. All said and done, the process of asking for accomodations can take up to five hours a semester other students do not need to alot for that cannot be used to study, go to medical appointments, work, or do anything else. This process can be timely, and extended if any discrimination takes place during the semester. I am very thankful that I am able to get the help I need in my classes, but there are still barriers to get that assistance.
5. Once I started to accept who I was, the easier it was to find a community. Compared to my story from middle school, once I got to the end of high school I started to create a community around me. I credit that change for a few reasons. The first reason was, I had so much practice of what not to do, that I started to figure out the only things I haven't tried yet. The other main thing was that once I accepted that my autism meant I could be perceived as a lot, I stopped trying to be someone I wasn't. I didn't need to "make up" for my autism anymore. Finding that balance between honoring social expectations that make others comfortable, and honoring myself as an autistic person is a balance I still navigate as I make new friends. However, learning I could like myself as an autistic person helped me find compassion for myself I had never had before. I started this blog because I want to create more transparency to conversations that really helped me accept my disability as it is.
I hope this post gave an insight into how someone with autism navigates autism. I am excited to see the advocacy movement grow and include more people to share their experiences. If you have any questions or comments, please send me a message on the questions tab or at @Anniekrollblog on Instagram and Facebook. Thank you for reading, and I will see you next week!
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