Autism and Social Dynamics in the Classroom

In my master's program, many of my classes are structured in a seminar format, allowing for many in-class conversations. This has created new social dynamics for me in the classroom, which have been confusing. Today, I want to talk about autism and social dynamics in class through the lens of my master's program.

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Many of my classes discuss theories and tie in personal stories and connections to these theories. I feel like I have a lot to say when it comes to navigating education with a disability, and I want to shed light on these experiences. However, I am not always sure how to do so. It is really hard for me to balance social dynamics with school. In my undergraduate classes, the lecture-style classes allowed me to only focus on taking notes and asking questions. This allowed me to segment my brain into academic mode and friend mode. Now that my classes are small and focus on discussion, the two modes are more combined. I have to focus on participation and social dynamics of the group at the same time.

One of the main things I struggle with is to tell if it is my turn to talk. Because the conversation is changing and evolving, I am not sure when I should add my perspective and get the participation points and when I should focus on listening. I try to find a balance and ask questions when I can think of it, but it is hard for me to assess the social dynamic of the conversation. Sometimes, there will be long pauses of silence after a question is asked. I want whoever is leading the discussion to get the engagement they deserve, but I also don't want to hog the conversation. To add to the confusion, I have also found that for me, I need to be in the conversation, talking, in order to stay engaged. The uncertainty, I feel, has led to a lot of doubt.

Within knowing when to talk, I also doubt what I say. I want to share my experiences because I think they are important to add to the conversation for topics such as discrimination and disability accessibility, but I do not want to take over the conversation. It can be hard to find that balance. Some of the feedback has been positive, but I can't tell if a line has been crossed. I wish there was a way to get the reassurance that my perspective is appreciated or that it's not in interactions so I can stop doubting what I am saying.

Sometimes, classes add group project elements to the equation. In my experience, I was not chosen for group projects because I did not have many friends. This semester, I do have friends but I still worry that I would be the person to get rid of if they could. I struggle to trust that classmates want to be around me for me because in K-12 schooling, my experience as an autistic student did not have positive associations with being chosen. I have turned to old habits, such as acquiring resources so that I would be an essential choice for the group project instead of trusting my friends that they actually like working with me.

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Is it my turn

I want to share a story,

About a personal anecdote.

Is it my turn?

I have a question,

About an assignment.

Is it my turn?

The class is silent after a question is asked.

But I already spoke.

Is it my turn?

I want to add a point.

But the conversation switches.

Is it my turn?

I want to be included.

But there might not be enough spots.

Is it my turn?

I'm unsure of the rules.

But no one has them clearly outlined.

Is it my turn?

When should I talk or listen?

Participate or isolate?

Is it my turn?

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Being autistic in school has led to a lot of insecurity with social interactions. I have difficulty trusting my social instincts because I do not naturally have social instincts. One tip I just learned is to develop a mission statement for my interactions that is focused on an activity, not social goals. For example, if I am entering a class discussion, my mission statement is to participate in that class discussion and bring up points I find that are interesting. I can then let other people gravitate towards me or away from me as they choose. The goal of this new strategy is to take the pressure off of me to focus on the social dynamics because when I do so, I freeze.

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Thank you for reading about autism and social dynamics in the classroom. If you have any questions or comments, please comment on the blog, reach out at @Anniekrollblog on Instagram or Facebook, or email me at Anniekrollblog@gmail.com. I hope to see you next week!