I was recently listening to a podcast that talked about how labels that are given to you can be harmful, because they can shape your identity without giving you the room to grow and adapt. This week I want to share some of the labels I gave myself or got assigned while navigating my disabilities, and share the harm I think those labels caused.
Label 1: Useful academically/bad at making friends.
For those of you that are new to the autism community, autism diagnoses used to be broken up into a few different categories. As a kid, I was diagnosed with asperger's syndrome. On top of this being a very unfortunate name I struggled to pronounce without it ending in an inappropriate way, there were also some unfortunate stereotypes. People who were diagnosed with asperger's syndrome were stereotyped to be smart, selfish, and socially awkward. As a kid I knew I was socially awkward, and struggled to make friends. I categorized myself as smart based on how I did in school, and tried to use those skills to make friends. I took this idea of being academically smart, and turned it into this idea that my only social pull was my usefulness in academic settings. This label ultimately lead to me undervaluing myself, because I didn't think I had value being authentically myself. I instead "sold" my skills for what ultimately just lead to me being ignored outside of group work.
Label 2: Smart; it's all I have left.
Eventually, I learned that I could make friends outside of doing schoolwork for other people. However, in 2016 I then found out I had a physical disability. At the time, I thought that I would never walk again, and so I made a pact to myself. I told myself that I can't control if my legs get weak, but I can control my brain. I vowed to focus really hard on school to prove to myself that I still had value. I wanted to prove to myself that I really was smart, and in some ways I did. I graduated with an undergraduate degree Summa Cum Laude while navigating health flare ups. However, I did this to the detriment of my health. My parents begged me to take some time to focus on my health, but I couldn't because I labeled myself as smart and I didn't want to lose that. I have been taking this year to refocus my identity on things that aren't dependent on other people. Instead of saying I am smart based on grades, which are dependant on teachers, I have been focusing on things that are more within my control. I want to instead be known as an advocate, someone who enjoys learning, a blogger, and a person who happens to be disabled. This is a long journey, but I have been working on changing that mindset.
Label 3: Unable to manage my disability
At times, I cannot walk. I have had people in my life scold me for not using mobility aids, because I "need" them as a disabled person. Many people do need walking aids, and that is great. However, there is a difference between knowing that I need assistance as a disabled person, and others making that decision for me. My medical team has strongly encouraged me to only use walking aids when I cannot do it myself, so that I can keep my muscles as strong as I possibly can. When others put the label on me that I can't walk, I have often gotten external pressure to use help that goes against my medical team's advice. I have had very uncomfortable fights with friends where I am accused of ignoring my disability, and I have to assert that this conversation is overstepping from helping as a friend. I value and want support, but I (along with many other disabled people) are fully capable of assessing our needs. I want to be able to ask for help when others offer it, but I don't want to be told what to do by those outside of my care team.
Label 4: Inflexible
I will be the first to say, I struggle with being inflexible. It is really hard for me to adjust plans if I have already made an idea of what that will look like. I'm also not a huge fan of certain foods, so I'm not super flexible in that department either. The problem with being labeled as inflexible is that it makes it really easy to stay inflexible. I don't feel shame about liking things a certain way, so that label almost serves as an excuse to stay inflexible. It can be really hard to break out of a box others put you in, especially if there is no positive motivation to do so. For me, I see two options. My first option is I maintain certain parts of my inflexibility and then I am happy, or I cave and do or eat something on enjoyable for what feels like an extended period of time. I make up that it isn't very nice to say most of this out loud, but sometimes saying inner monologue stuff out loud can help raise awareness of other experiences. In my experience, certain labels only force people inside of a box, rather than allowing them to grow.
Label 5: Lazy
I have had points in my life where I needed grace due to medical flare ups. There have been times I have gotten that, and other times I was perceived as lazy. My gap year has looked different than many able bodied college students. I am taking this time to primarily focus on my health, because it was made clear to me that this is urgent. To some who aren't familiar with chronic medical issues, this could look lazy. That perception has affected my mental health, because I want my family and friends to be proud of me and the work I am doing. Chronic pain can be very isolating, and not being in the same place as many people in their early twenties has left me feeling left behind at times. I try to remind myself that everyone's path looks different. I have a family friend who didn't become a doctor until 40, and is now totally crushing it. Your path may look different than other people's, but it is still valid. We have our whole life to do cool things, so I have really been trying to change my narrative on how I view managing my health during this time.
I have done a lot of work to address these labels, but the work isn't done. Labels don't just go away, and new labels are constantly assigned to people based on actions and personal bias. Having a disability has lead me to some additional labels that others might not get, but I am so much more than those things. My goal is to raise awareness that we are all so much more than what we do, or how other people see us. I am proud of how far I have come with navigating my disabilities, and at the same time that is only one part of who I am.
Thank you for reading about the impact labels can have. If you have any questions or comments, please reach out at @Anniekrollblog over on Instagram or Facebook. I hope to see you next week!
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