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Disability Identity- Asking For Help

Writer's picture: Annie KrollAnnie Kroll
Two hands shaking, forming a heart


I have been analyzing the process of asking for help as someone with a disability as I give my introductions to my professors at the beginning of the semester. This week, I want to share where I am in my journey of asking for help and then include a poem I made to process that experience.

 

It was recently pointed out to me that how I send emails asking questions about my school work can be burdensome to those who need to respond. I have been really struggling with that feedback because I need a lot of clarifying questions to understand what is expected of me in order to succeed in my schoolwork. Previously, I hadn't thought about it and I sent my emails and did well in school. But I want to be considerate and think about how it might feel to receive a bunch of emails. So far, my strategy this semester has been to make jokes about how much I send emails in order to let my professors know it is something I do while also trying to acknowledge that it could be seen as annoying. I can now officially report that this method has, for lack of a better term, sucked. It feels like I am putting myself down and not being confident in how I learn and who I am as a disabled student. Through this experience, I am trying to learn that I can take pride in caring about how I do in school and that I can take pride in emailing to ask for help. I have decided that I would rather be seen as annoying and understand whatever material I am working with than silence myself and be confused.


This experience has brought me to a larger idea that having a disability takes up space and that it is a societal expectation to apologize for taking up space. I have realized that there are many moments where I have apologized for having a disability because I am afraid of being inconvenient. For me, it is hard to feel confident about an identity that I am also used to apologizing for. This blog is a letter to myself and anyone reading this that it is not mandatory to apologize for asking for and needing accommodations. I have attached a poem below that echoes my sentiments on this idea:


 

Should I apologize


Directions are not made for me, 

As there is too much ambiguity. 

I decide to reach out for help. 

Should I apologize? 


Social groups are not designed for me, 

As there are too many random factors. 

I need to ask for grace and understanding. 

Should I apologize? 


I struggle to walk up and down stairs, 

As it’s often too steep and too tiring. 

I ask for a different route. 

Should I apologize? 


I feel a semi-truck wipe through my body, 

It’s one of those stay-in-bed days. 

I need to ask for extensions. 

Should I apologize? 


My disability takes up space,

So, I ask for accommodations. 

Sometimes I need help.

Should I apologize? 


 

I think managing accommodations is something that never goes away once you have a disability. Still, I hope my confidence journey in taking up space as myself will improve. Thank you for reading about asking for help as a disabled person through the lens of sending emails. If you have any questions or comments, please comment on the blog, reach out at @Anniekrollblog on Instagram or Facebook, or email me at Anniekrollblog@gmail.com. I hope to see you next week!

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6 Comments


Meredith MC
3 days ago

Hi Annie, I’m a middle school teacher, and I wish my students would email me when they need help understanding something. It might actually help your professors learn how to make their courses more accessible for everyone. In my own work, the students who ask questions make the class better for everyone, because I can see where I could be clearer. You are actually helping!

Maybe your first email could explain what you need, so they know they will be hearing from you frequently. It’s amazing to me how thoughtful you are about this.

Take care and be good to yourself.

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Chloe
Feb 01

Dear Annie, As females we already have a predisposition to apologize (my teenage sister once bumped into a telephone pole and automatically apologized to it.). I wonder if males with disabilities apologize as much? Maybe that is more the root of your aologizing tendencies. I don’t know. Just exploring. I just am trying to put myself in your shoes and think about a common situation (needing help getting on a bus, for instance) and how I would handle it. Since I am a gray-haired senior turning 80 and getting shorter by the minute I often have to ask for help getting things off the top shelf. Of course my issue is common and visible but still as an apolo…


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Carole
Jan 31

You are an excellent writer, Annie, and I know this came from your heart. You are so gifted in many ways. Please do not hesitate to ask for help.

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Carol Perecman
Jan 31

Annie, you are so brave! It IS hard to ask for help, and being able to do it despite your misgivings shows how brave you are, and how caring you are, as your grandmother said. I was raised with a brother with disabilities so I know how difficult a path you walk, but don't let it make you question yourself. Ask for whatever help you need; you are giving others a chance to do something good, which is priceless. And keep on keeping on, you are someone to be admired, for your determination and your commitment in the face of difficulty. Bless you!

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Guest
Jan 28

I read this with interest and feel for you. Sadly I have no helpful advice to give other than hold your head up and be proud of yourself AND go on asking for help, everybody asks for help.😘

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