
I think of autism like not having a manual. I wrote this poem to help explain my experience with autism, titled The Experience.
Everyone flipped to page 176
Of their manual
To answer the question
“How are you doing?”
But I was absent for textbook distribution,
And didn’t have the instructions.
I raised my hand to say I didn’t have a book,
But everyone was just mad I was wrong.
Everyone flipped to page 213
Of their textbook,
To answer the question:
“Is this too much?”
But I still don’t have a manual,
So I asked to share it with someone else.
But they seemed annoyed to share,
And I probably can’t ask again.
Everyone flipped to page 372
Of their book,
To answer the question:
Ask about other people.
But I still don’t have a manual,
So I asked the teacher to stay after class.
But she brushed me off and said I was smart
And said I’d just pick it up.
Everyone flipped to page 482
Of their textbook,
To answer the question:
sarcasm.
It’s been days now in this class
And I still don’t have any instructions
At this point I just give up
I take a random guess but it’s clearly wrong
Everyone flips to page 578
Of their manual
To answer the question
following social cues
I still don’t have a manual,
But sometimes if I tell someone-
I don’t have a manual,
They are nicer to me when I guess wrong.
Everyone flips to page 642
Of their textbook,
To answer the question:
predict and interpret social cues.
I don’t understand why people won’t,
Just share their manual.
I’ve tried to memorize it,
But it’s just too big of a book.
Everyone flips to page 723
Of their book,
To answer the question:
receptive communication
If I ask enough,
I can find someone willing to share.
But I still don’t know,
Why I can’t just pick one up myself.
Everyone flips to page 812
Of their manual,
To answer the question:
hold eye contact
I just want my own manual.
And all I can get is kindness,
When I don’t guess right.
But that doesn’t help me understand.
Everyone flips to page 927
Of their textbook,
To answer the question:
Don’t info dump
Now I try to disclose,
That I don’t have a manual.
Some people can’t handle it,
While others are more than willing to.
But nothing will ever replace,
Me getting my own manual.
I can ask others,
But I never get my own information.
No matter how much I try,
Or how much I study,
I will have to constantly guess,
What you all got on textbook pick up day.
Thank you for reading about autism through the lens of textbooks. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to message me in the questions tab, or reach out at @Anniekrollblog on Instagram or Facebook. Thank you for reading, and I hope to see you next week!
Comments