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How to Help a Disabled Person in Public: The Do's and Don'ts

Writer's picture: Annie KrollAnnie Kroll
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As someone who navigates a physical disability and a developmental disorder that needs to go out in public, I have had my share of things that people have done for me that are helpful, and things that people have done that are not. Here, I am going to make a list of 5 things that people have done that I found to be helpful and kind, and 5 things that made my experience harder.


 

The Do's:

1: When I use walking aids in public, I appreciate when people quietly open doors for me. Using a mobility aid requires skill and precision, such as timing steps correctly with a cane, or using your arms to roll in a manual wheelchair. Getting help without loudly calling attention to it feels very kind and eliminates some of the embarrassment of having a lot of attention put on a person suddenly.


2: Leaving the wheelchair accessible bathroom stall open when there is not a line in the bathroom. When using certain mobility aids that are larger, the only stall I can fit in is the ADA accessible ones. When those who are not using mobility aids use this stall, I then need to wait when there are otherwise stalls available that others can still use. I will say, I am guilty of doing this when I am not using a mobility aid too, because I forget that I don't need that stall anymore. I want to be better about this, because it makes such a difference when using a mobility aid.


3: This one is for staff members and businesses, but having a protocol that is easy to implement for finding alternatives for standing in line, while still honoring the system of waiting your turn. CVS has a good system of having chairs to sit in, but there isn't a clear system for monitoring when it is my turn to get my prescription. Line alternatives allow me to save my energy while also not cutting in front of other people who are also waiting.


4. Ask if someone needs help. This is both a courtesy thing and a safety thing. Sometimes I am very much struggling and need the help. Other times I might be managing, and feel uncomfortable with the interaction. If I am in a wheelchair and someone suddenly starts pushing me without asking, I lose my autonomy and ability to leave the situation. Asking if you can help gives the disabled person the autonomy to voice their needs while remaining safe and independent.


5. This one is obvious, but do be kind and treat us with the same respect you would give others. Being looked down on, or infantilized can be uncomfortable. Sometimes, due to my autism, people think I cannot take care of myself in the same way others can. In my experience, I am quite good at saying what I need and what I do not want. Treating disabled people with the same respect you would treat someone without the same condition in terms of vocal tone, standards in treatment, and autonomy helps us feel safer and more respected. I feel safer asking for help if I know I will be met with kindness and I can trust you to manage your boundaries and expectations too.


 

The Don'ts:

1. Don't ask invasive disability related questions in public spaces. I greatly enjoy educating on disability related issues, which is why I have this blog. But many people do not, and do not want to share their life story navigating their disability while in the Starbucks line at 8am. If you do have a question or two, ask permission to ask questions and be okay with the possibility that the answer might be no. It is not a slight against you, but sometimes sharing personal details is hard to do and feels too vulnerable. It is best to find spaces where content creators such as myself have opened the dialogue up for questions and learning.


2. Please do not call attention to yourself for helping. This includes talking loudly about how you are helping, staring, or even posting something online about how you were helpful. This is not to say the help is not appreciated, it very much is! However, in my experience, I am navigating trying to access my day to day tasks with an extra layer of difficulty. Sometimes I worry about needing help and struggling to do things independently. It feels vulnerable to then have that experience be broadcast to a larger audience than who was initially present in the interaction.


3. This is also for staff members and businesses, but don't have "lazy" accommodation policies. By this I mean, it is not fair that simply because I am disabled I now get to pass the entire line. Sure, in the moment it feels great because I saved time. But that is not equitable for all of the other people who are able bodied who are still waiting. Disneyland had a good system for this. I would wait my turn just like everyone else, but I would be able to walk around or wheel around the park instead of stand in line. Then, when my turn was up I would go in through a special entrance. I still waited my turn, I just did it in a different way.


4. Don't gate keep disabled spaces as a non disabled person. Someone left a hate note on my car when I was 16 for using a disability parking space because I looked able bodied. In theory, this could have taught someone to not abuse a disability parking space. Except the placard I used was mine, and I felt really invalidated in my experiences. It is impossible to tell who is disabled and who isn't, so it is best to not gate keep spaces meant for disabled people, unless a law is being broken. In my example, it would be different if I did not have a placard, was not disabled, and just parked there anyway.


5. Don't offer advice without being asked. It feels invasive to go to the store, have someone see your cane, and be stuck in a conversation about supplements for too long. While I know people mean well, please don't offer advice unless asked because many medical diagnoses are more complicated than can be assumed in a quick conversation.


 

I hope this list shed some light on how you can be a good ally for those around us with disabilities. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to reach out at @Anniekrollblog on Instagram or Facebook. Thank you for reading, and I hope to see you next week!

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